27082015

Vision got blurry,
But I'm still typing on the low,
I don't really sleep at all,
I'm never ready,
I don't believe in ready or luck.

Interesting how you just want to ride him,
While I'm here contemplating on my keyboard and pastels.
You already busy popping,
And I'm drawing bunny's busy hopping.

Why you going again?
You don't know.
I'm behind the scenes,
Sketching your butt because you worked for it right.
Why you even talking to me?
I clearly just wanna finish my work,
Because I wanna go home an stick my face in paint.

I don't care about your new shoes he bought,
I buy my own drugs and paint,
And you busy buying pain,
Don't worry I won't ask if u okay,
Why are u asking me to judge you?

It's so tragic,
You judging me...

Interesting how I feel sorry for you,
And how I actually wanna use you for art.
You are Art...

Why do you talk so much?
I don't know you and yet you feel so comfortable,
Too comfortable,
Even I feel comfortable in your skin...

My head feel so heavy,
I can't seem to move,
Just my mind moving,
I feel numb,
I feel this heavy feeling on my head,
I'm scared to get out of this zone,
I'm not sure if I wanna stop cause it's almost 3am,
An I'm sitting behind my study desk not even thinking just writing,
Why you got me writing,
To say that I don't know what I'm doing,
Is a bit dangerous,

I don't even feel sorry for my life,
Dreams are getting so worse,
Nightmares after nightmares,
Night night,
Reality sniffs me like a cocaine Addict,
Dreams actually gave up on me,
I didn't know that I have been made to measure the limit of empty space,
numbness and
why am I stuck in this generation.

95,
could it be possible....
Born in 1995,
Too soon?
Too late?
Whatever....
I don't feel like looking at you,
Because,
I can seem to see the stars,
Climbing stairs,
Running in the street,
I don't like talking much,
Rivers running through my veins,
Mountains of work,
Timeout for time,
Infinitely,
madness,
Looking at the moon,
Why you trying to make it stop,
I'm a magnet for pain,
And pain demands to be felt,
I'm bound to the Atlas,
I wanna find home,
Homeless,
Will I find it on my final slumber or nah?

I'm scared of what I might write these days,
You can't even express yourself right without some trouble,
X's on my calendar,
Begging the year to end,
Like I have plans for next year,
They keep looking at me like I'm stupid,
Maybe I am a bit,
Bacon makes everything nice,
Gone,
As my wineglass glows,
Will you ever accept that I seem to dwell in pain,
I promised dad that the next time when I'm sitting in this window,
I'll be ready to jump....

Believe me my tears are like acid,
You take me as I am,
I don't wanna break anything,
Jump on my mind it's okay,
It's your jumping castle,
You can even get a crown,
I can't ruin this,
Because I might lose the last flower in my garden,
I don't want the opportunity to break your heart,
Because it will feel like there's acid eating through my soul,
Smoke til you die,
I already smell my truth in the air,
What we have is way bigger than trust,
Confianza got me rubbing in all the right spots,
How my spine misses you,
And my dna craves every bit of your sweat,
This ain't the right time,
To mix it up,
I'm still here stuck in the car,
In a black an white scene,
Driving in circles,
I can't believe I'm loved,
Because even my mother doesn't know how to love me,
I feel like I have or already had her blood on my hands,
It drives me to madness that her blood runs through my veins,
Knowing that her genes are somewhere playing dominoes with my dad's genes in me,
Drives me away from sane,
to insane,
I don't want kids,
Tell her genes to choke and die,
I might not kill her but I can kill her dna...
I Generate and reverse these thoughts of my parents hunting me in my dreams,
I'll rather shoot myself than look in my own eyes,
I don't need mom's help to know what goes next,
All you ever did was push me the fuck away,
Is it fucken weird that I remember that I was a prisoner to my own mother,
I cant hate you,
It's much worse...
Worsening,
Escape,
Escaped,
No I'm trapped,
Travelling in a trap,
Traveler to be destined to destroy my final destination,
And go back in time and try it over,
Being born again,
And again, and being stabbed again and again....
Stuck, in the same moment,
Busy typing while I should be studying ,
An tryna explain why I am wrapped up in my world that has no reality.
Telling the same thing over an over again,
Maybe it's true,
I am too morbid,
Tryna figure out,
What I wanted to figure out....